A Redemptive Journey toward Oneness
Scott and Susan Rankin
Law Enforcement has always been one of the most challenging and noble professions in our society. The amount of trauma and daily stress taken on over a career of walking out the “Hero’s Journey” takes its toll on the “Hero” and everyone they touch, especially those that love them the most. I would imagine by now we all know that trauma is cumulative and if left unmanaged it will have significant consequences toward living a healthy life.
In this session you will learn about trauma and how it affected one officer’s life, marriage, family, and other relationships. This incredibly honest and vulnerable testimony told from the perspective of the officer and his wife will take you on a healing journey of redemption through faith, hope, forgiveness, and connection.
Restoring Hearts Coaching, LLC
Contact Susan via email at susan@nullrestoringheartscoaching.com
Contact Scott via email at fastkpd@nullmsn.com
Scott’s Testimony on YouTube – “Grit is Good, Grace is a Game-changer”
Code 4 Northwest Podcasts
Scott Rankin Part 1 – “You Will Never See Him Again.”
This is the first of three episodes with Police Officer Scott Rankin. You will hear his story which is quite interesting, and how unresolved emotional trauma can affect personal relationships. In the 1st responder world, emotional trauma is “part of the job”. We deal with it or it will deal with us. Some of us enter into our professions with “trauma eggs” already in our baskets. Then more are added as a result of our work. We can suffer from that and those we love can be casualties as well….
Scott Rankin Part 2 – “I Ran from It.”
We continue Scott’s story. He speaks about the way he felt about himself, his actions, and how his internal pain was transferred to others–the word unfaithful is used. He describes an accident in a pursuit that could easily have cost him his life and how his attitude afterwards did not serve him well.
Scott Rankin Part 3 – “My Whole World Imploded.”
Scott describes how his marriage was nearly destroyed because of his actions. He suffered deeply while trying to maintain at work. His wife and family suffered in the pain of betrayal. Fortunately, theirs is a story of transformation and hope.
FANOS: Couples Sharing Exercise
FANOS couples sharing exercise is an acronym derived from a Greek word meaning “to shed light on” or “to bring to light.” It provides a way for a couples to connect emotionally and to build intimacy (intimacy = “into me you see” and you accept me anyways).
Each letter of the acronym represents a subject you will talk about together:
- Feelings: Share with your partner a feeling you have. (You may use a list of feelings if it could help you identify feelings).
- Affirmations: Affirm your partner for something she has done.
- Needs: State a need you have today (not necessarily one that must be met by your partner).
- Ownership: Take responsibility and apologize for something you have said or done.
- Struggles/Sobriety: Here you have an opportunity to tell your partner the status of your struggles/sexual sobriety/recovery today (sobriety date, general struggles, recovery work, etc.). Be specific but not graphic.
Your partner also has the opportunity to check in regarding something she struggles with and works on (sobriety from overeating, raging, criticizing, obsessing about, checking on you, withdrawing, etc.).
One of you will begin the check-in and run through the entire FANOS; then the other will do the same. Talking through the entire FANOS should take no longer than a few minutes, but it gives you both an opportunity to share what you are thinking, feeling, and doing on your journey toward healing.
When you share your FANOS, it is important that the other person provide a safe environment. Their role is simply to listen, not really give feedback.
When sharing your FANOS, it is important to maintain eye contact with the person with whom you are sharing it. Eye contact may feel uncomfortable at first but will eventually become comfortable. This is part of the benefit of this exercise. If you do the exercise with your wife or partner, remember not to give feedback. Do not criticize, correct, or shame one another. Simply listen to each other and know that the goal of this exercise is to build intimacy into the relationship. Also agree not to talk about the FANOS for 48 hours after it has been shared. The key is to create safety in the sharing time.
Here is an example of FANOS from a partner:
- Feelings: I’m a little scared but hopeful. I often feel fear thinking about whether you are taking recovery seriously. I’m worried that you will one day betray me again.
- Affirmations: I want to acknowledge and thank you for doing the dishes today.
- Needs: I need recognition from my boss that I helped solve a problem for the company last week. I took a big risk to be honest and report some inappropriate conduct, and I recognize I want to be thanked.
- Ownership: I take ownership over my financial issues with spending. I recognize that you desire to save for our future and that my spending has often harmed us financially. I am sorry and I am trying to work on balance.
- Struggles/Sobriety: I’ve practiced healthy eating habits all day. While I have occasional periods of desiring unhealthy foods, I’m making progress in being more honest about how I’ve used food to cope with my feelings.
(Taken from “Shattered Vows” by Debra Laaser, ps. 184-186)